I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
