Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
