You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
