fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
