i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
