she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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