i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Houston, we have a blender
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
