He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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