I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
