she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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