Soap is not a condiment
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
