just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
