First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
