Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
