I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize