OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
