i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
