Small penises have feelings too.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
