i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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