the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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