i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
