R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
