I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
