I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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