Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
