i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
