OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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