The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
