Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
