The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
