STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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