My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
