Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
