You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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