I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
