He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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