somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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