I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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