I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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