i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize