I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
