Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
