I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
