Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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