Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
