Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
