I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
