When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
