i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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