Will you blow on my dice?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
