I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
