Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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