There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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