I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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