how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
