I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
not ubering you a puppy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
