when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
