I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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