i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
