One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
