You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
