never play flip cup with pint glasses
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
