i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
