I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
