new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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