just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
