Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
