I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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