it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
