He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
