I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
