Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
