no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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