that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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