Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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