today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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